Life is a journey, I'll blog it

Of Nigerian Girl Friends and their Laundry Services

Please can somebody explain to me what part of loving a Nigerian woman does her assumption of laundry services for her man fall into in the general “I love you” big picture.

I have made this observation several times, and although the thing pisses me off, I’ve not got the courage to ask in depth, any of my target-ladies why they do what they do. The idea is this: sometime in the love-relationship, she assumes the duty of washer-man, regularly doing her man’s laundry.

My main reason for writing this post is because one of my friends, a lady, (for this discussion, I call her Bola) just got wind of information that her guy (lets call him Paul) had been romancing another girl side by side with her, and unfortunately, this other girl is now pregnant. Bola is presently sad that she was taken for a ride. The only grouse I had with Bola in her 15-month relationship with Paul is that I once got wind that she went to Paul’s house to wash his clothes. I was like, wash his clothes? after just how many months? I remember asking my informer, another lady friend: “do you really have to wash a guys clothes to show that you like him?” This was sometime August last year.

We, a couple of friends(guys and girls) had planned an outing on a Saturday. We were at a Fast food joint somewhere on the island, where we agreed to meet. We waited for Bola for hours. While the rest of us were blaming all the evil spirits of Lagos traffic, we didn’t know that Bola branched by Paul’s house in the morning to do his laundry, hoping she could do it quick and join the rest of us. Yes, she eventually couldn’t make it to our get-together….etc. Anyway, so now that her relationship is down the drain, I’m like “good for you, who told you to go start doing his laundry in a relationship that wasn’t 1-year old”, then, August 2009.

But Bola isn’t alone in this picture. I’ve made several other observations. One was of a case involving a Campus fellowship student Pastor in a Nigerian University(name witheld). Long story cut short, this Pastor impregnated a sister who we heard had been going to his house to wash his clothes. The story was that sisters in the fellowship took turns as washer-women for this Pastor, but after a while all others stopped one by one, except this sister. Long story, cut short, this Pastor had to forgo his Pastor-hood and did a hush hush wedding with the sister after she went preggy.

I have a neighbor whose name is KK for this discussion. I have been playing CIA agent since 2009, investigating KK’s love-life. My report for KK states that in 2009, he had 3(three) girl-friends, the third still on-going. He never failed to promptly introduce them to me: “hi MP, I want you to meet my friend”. After his first relationship was over, I smiled and shook hands with the new JJC(KK’s 2nd girl), and immediately, this question ran through my mind: “does she know who the last laundry-girl was”? At different times during the year, he brought them to his pad, went on dates, etc. At different times during the year, I witnessed each of them doing his laundry.

I’ll give the Laundry Services Girlfriend (LSG) award to the first girl – Tina, (her name for this discussion) was just too much. She washed KK’s house practically clean. There was a Saturday she even did his rugs and curtains, while KK and I sat outside playing Ludo. A lot of thoughts ran through my mind. I wondered if a house-maid would even be so dedicated. Tina is the kind of person I would meet, assuming years from now and I would have forgotten what her real name was, but I guess the only thing I would remember is that she was KK’s washer-man-girlfriend. As of this writing 07Feb, KK’s latest and third / on-going girlfriend came by to do his laundry.

I sometimes think that there might have been a verbal communication between KK and his girls, such as: “abeg, come and help me do my laundry today”, or “hey girl, our relationship is 3-months old, you have to start doing my laundry”or perhaps, they(the girls) would just assume the duty out of “sheer lovey lovey”. Love is blind, isn’t it? I’m more accustomed to the second reason, but whatever the case is, KK is an official player and as far as I’m concerned, he is just playing them one by one. Or perhaps KK is using some charm – just for the purpose of his laundry?

Back to Bola. The week after she stood us up, I ran into her and out of sheer and extreme curiosity, I asked her when did she start washing Paul’s clothes. She replied “what kind of question is that…..when did I start washing blah blah blah”? The reason I asked was that she also washed the clothes of the guy in her previous(before Paul) relationship and that one(relationship) also went down the drain. I was of the thought-line: why not get your commitment to each other firm and solid before you start washing clothes, but I guess she wasn’t thinking what I was thinking. And how can you start washing a guys clothes, whom you’ve known for less than a year?

With my handful of years living in yankee, and while I myself was on a young-love teenage train, I didn’t make a keen observation with regards to the above, and relating to Oyinbo/black ladies and their men. I really can’t say if they(yankee ladies) also assume laundry services duties for their men, but perhaps they don’t coz we all had washing machines. Duh! Unfortunately, not until I JJCd back home did I remember that hands could be used to wash clothes.

I have made several other observations, all relating to this boy-girl: she starts washing his clothes once they are in a relationship…….thingy; individual details which one post won’t contain. I once thought it was particular ladies of particular Nigerian tribes that do such, but I have my hands full of ladies and guys from various parts of the country.

Or perhaps, is the “you must do your man’s laundry” part of home training? passed on from Mommy to daughter in the African scene? Whatever the answer is, I would like to know.

Lets discuss!

Question: why / how do Nigerian ladies(girl friends) assume the duty of laundry services for their man.

Is this an innate idea? something taught as part of womanhood before marriage? part of home-training? a sign of real love?, as in, “when she decides to start washing my clothes, then I’ll know she’s really in love with me (using myself as an example)”?

Or is this what Nigerian women think their men want? Perhaps they have it at the back of their mind that “he will believe I love him once I begin to wash his clothes”, or perhaps they(Nigerian ladies) seek to make a statement such as “this (my washing of your clothes) is a sign that I love you”, or!!!

Comments and opinions welcome!

question: how long should he wait for her to make up her mind

I’m thinking some ladies are specialized in the art of making men wait – as in when she tells you over and over again: “give me some more time”.

3-months, 6-months, 9-months gone, and still she says: “give me some more time”.

what do you advise this Romeo to do?

 

Nigerians dissecting the Nigerianness of Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab

If there would be a news of the year in 2010, it will definitely be Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab. Since the unfortunate incident, I’ve observed Nigerians expressing their sorrow and pain as a result of the boys action. Its like: kai, how could a Nigerian ever think of that, spoiling the reputation we are still trying to salvage. Its like something totally out of this world, totally unbelievable and unexpected. In fact, like someone said, if he was asked about the worst thing he ever thought a Nigerian would do, terrorism would definitely be in “none of the above”.

Nigerians have wasted no time dissecting the Nigerianness of Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab: Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab is not a proper Nigerian. It seems like being a proper Nigerian is like living a defined life, being put inside a box and covered up, where ones extremes are public information. 

The following are some thought-lines I have heard and gathered from left and right – ofcourse in Lagos’s yellow buses and newspaper stands. Here, I’ve decided to give an analysis.

Let me start by defining what I mean by “proper Nigerian”. A proper Nigerian is anyone who claims to be a Nigerian citizen and behaves like one to the core. Are there specific ways that Nigerians behave? Yes? And if you are a proper Nigerian, you won’t find it hard to identify birds of the same feather. Being a proper Nigerian is regardless of where you were born in/where you grew up. If you are a proper one, it shows. A proper Nigerian is not a Tokunbo. A Tokunbo is a Nigerian that still behaves like an Oyinbo after many years of trying to be a Nigerian. A JJC(Johnny Just Come) is another variant of Tokunbo’s; Nigerians who come to Nigeria and don’t know what is going on. JJC kids are those who ask their parents foolish questions like: daddy, why is there no electricity today? Note: a proper Nigerian 1-year old doesn’t ask such questions.

Thank God Almighty that Farouk did not succeed in his endeavour. He is not a proper Nigerian and will bever be. Why? If I was an FBI agent, with a Nigerian brain, I would be asking myself: what was Farouk’s motivation?

p.s: the following is on a LIGHT NOTE, but could be sometimes true.

ONE: a proper Nigerian will not do anything without any financial reward: look around properly at Nigerians at their work and play, its not hard to discover that they don’t get involved with anything that has no financial reward. Not only must their endeavour have financial rewards, the rewards must come quickly and immediately, as in right now. That is why even our Politicians cannot make long term plans for the benefit of the nation, coz they are blinded by the short term profits they seek to receive. Simply put, Nigerians don’t work for free. Proper Nigerians don’t do good things for free, they don’t do bad things for free either. The bottom line of a proper Nigerian is money.

It is surprising that in all the pieces of news about Farouk, there is none that relates to a financial reward for his wicked endeavor. Call a proper Nigerian aside and tell him to get on a plane from Yemen to Egypt, from Egypt to Ghana, from Ghana to Lagos, from Lagos to Amsterdam and from Amsterdam to America; the first thing he/she will ask you before asking you what exactly you want to be done is how much are you paying per trip – where one trip is a plane take off and landing. By the time he/she gives you a trip-bill, you might want to reconsider your mission, and his(Nigerian’s) involvement.

TWO: Nigerians love life, they love jolly jolly, menu menu. A proper Nigerian doesn’t want to die. To say the truth, the average Nigerian doesn’t want to die. If Nigerians are able to pay for the air they breathe, they will work and pay up. Tell a Nigerian to do anything as work: climb a mountain or swim to the depths of the sea, anything just to get paid; a proper Nigerian will find ways to accomplish his task and save his own life first. Tell him he will have to sacrifice himself in the process, my guy will pull his break pads sharp and start stammering: “I don’t think I can continue”. Even those that go to the lengths of Babalawo and Juju will find ways to sacrifice another person first, and not themselves as a primary offerings. Like Nigerians say: the day you die, jolly jolly don finish.

• Why is it that regardless of all the corruption and political turmoil in the country, Nigerians still prefer peace, and will continue to manage, and manage and manage?
• Why do they go to Church and Mosques everyday and pray for a country going down the drain right under their noses? Mr President has been missing for 60+ days and still counting, and Nigerians are still going about their daily lives as if nothing is happening.

Nigerians have this firm believe in God that everything will turn out right, someday, even if they themselves are long dead and gone. Because no one is ready to die. No one is ready to take up arms against the political oppressors. No one is ready to take a lead and become violent, and should you declare you want to lead these Nigerians into violence against their oppressive leaders, Nigerians will deal with you first, and after continue in mode: sit down and look.

While the above is highly positive, the fact that this Farouk strapped himself up and entered a plane knowing fully well that he was going to blow himself up sounds much like a joke to me – unless his Nigerian Godly brain must have been taken out and replaced with something else.

THREE: Why didn’t Farouk pre-mis-yarn and get arrested even before he entered the plane? how come Farouk didn’t have any confidants? you mean this guy embarked on so great a mission – the mission of his whole life without telling anybody? No friend, no girl friend? This youtube video is by a Canadian National who claims Farouk was his room-mate, and yet didn’t know whatever Farouk was up to.

If Farouk was a proper Nigerian, he should have bragged about his impending mission. He could have sent someone a text message/email, sang a song, written something down, talked about it: told someone that he was about to Hammer, and that, big-time. Then we know that he was up to something, no matter how small it was.

Even Nigerian music artists singing about Yahooze, control numbers, stashed chips, etc? go check them out, they aren’t far-fetched from their lyrics. How does the Nigerian police catch armed robbers? – they listen to mis-yarns: one of these armed robbers or someone close to them must have mis-yarned somehow somehow, and this yarn must have been passed from ear to ear until someone who can take action hears it. How do we know that 20-Naira policemen are really on official 20-Naira collection-duty? -misyarns. How do Nigerians know their politicians are corrupt? – because these politicians mis-yarned at one time or the other, someone heard and told the rest of us. How did we all know about Switzerland, as where the fortunes of Nigerian generations are stashed? – someone misyarned, someone heard and told the rest of us. Why was immediate action taken against Boko Haram after only a couple of hours?   Misyarns upon misyarns which gave the Police and Army all the information they needed.

Mis-yarns: its in the news that Farouk’s father approached the US government about his son months earlier. Mis-yarns is what we are talking about: what yarn did daddy hear for him to feel so convinced that the yarn was true, and he had to take a bold step to approach the US Embassy before something bad happened? Thank God for mis-yarns.

FOUR: Is Farouk really a Northerner?
If Farouk was a Yoruba boy, he would have been so busy going over and over documents at the airport. These documents would be the manuals, procedures, etc., of what he was expected to do – how he was expected to set himself on fire. Please note that Yoruba’s like studying and getting things right, as in: 1,2,3; so I’m assuming an airport official could have approached Farouk to ask: what are you reading. By the time this airport official would see drawings, labels, etc, detailing how to detonate a bomb, Farouk would have been arrested before boarding the plane. 

If Farouk was an Ibo boy, he would be so scared and you would see his fingers shaking, praying the rosary over and over again for him to get things right, that he would be an immediate suspect. An Ibo man wanting to kill himself thousands of feet above sea level? God forbid. Farouk would have been calling down Holy Ghost Fire. 

If Farouk was an Ibo boy, he would have cashed out. I mentioned earlier that Nigerians do not work for free. More: when Nigerians work, you better make sure they do the work, coz the default is for them to cash out (collect your money and disappear). If Farouk was a real Ibo boy, he won’t be arrested for attempting to blow up a plane. No, real Ibo boys are businessmen not terrorists. Farouk would have played his cards right, demanded for billions of dollars in exchange for the mission he was to accomplish. After getting paid, Farouk will disappear into thin air, he won’t board the plane.

Maybe the news would have been: “Nigerian man arrested in Amsterdam for defrauding Yemeni based businessmen to the tune of Billions of Dollars”. If the above was the news we read on CNN, no Nigerian would be surprised. After Farouk gets arrested, he would then confess in court what he was originally told to do(although we won’t still believe him), how much he was paid, why he decided to cash out, where he deposited the money, etc. With the whole case in court, Nigeria will give Farouk a round of applause – just for being brainy enough to cash out, and for telling funny stories in court. The Eastern part of Nigeria will call him a hero: you are a correct Ibo boy. Farouk would have become an official Maga and his Yemeni counterparts a doped Mugu. Believe you me, the Nigerian senate will appoint Farouk a Senior Advocate of Nigeria to defend Farouk anywhere, anytime. But unfortunately, Farouk is not an Ibo boy.

Farouk is definitely not a Northerner, coz Northerners in Nigeria do not have the time to memorize so many details of what is, what is not and what is to be. There are three kinds of Northerners in Nigeria: (1) the really educated ones, (2) the averagely educated ones and thirdly, (3) the uneducated ones.

• The really educated ones are found in the Universities. They have completed their B.Scs, Masters degrees, and maybe PhDs. They could have travelled abroad, speak very good English and have no time to ferment trouble. They take Islam in the right perspective, and are found in hooks and corners as core-businessmen with open minds and wide range of thoughts.
• Averagely educated northerners are the politicians who don’t know anything apart from “political parties”, rallies, etc. All they know is to deliver this and that part of the North to this and that political party. They feel all they can do in this world is politics, and nothing more.
• The uneducated northerners are those who ferment trouble and cause religious crisis up and down.

Northerners don’t have the time and self-will to go through the rigors of education, getting all the University degrees in the world. No pun intended, but on a positive note. This is not to say all Northerners are not educated. There are, but just a handful, as compared to University degree loving Yoruba’s, where getting PhDs has become businesses for some families. If Farouk was a true Northerner, a B.Sc would have been the end of academics. Daddy is a banker, so Farouk could have either become a businessman or begin to look into politics. I am very sure Farouk doesn’t know the way to Kano, coz he is so educated to the point of being brain washed in the first place. A Nigerian terrorist? haha Farouk.

He should have appeared in the airport in a White Kaftan and a cap, with a very small bag. Search his pockets and what you would find would be raw dollars and pound-sterling notes. In fact, if you are ever stranded at any airport anywhere around the world and you need to change currencies, look around for a Nigerian northerner, a Mallam to be precise and he will give you a better exchange rate than what’s obtainable at that particular airport. So when I saw Farouks picture: a T-shirt and jeans plane bomber, I was like: duh! He stinks.

FIVE: There are some bad things Nigerians are known for, and Terrorism isn’t one or part of it: LINKS ALL: yahooze (thanks to Collin Powell for gracing the effort), google-google, hotmail-hotmail, 914, Switzerland deposits, internet scams, spam mails, drugs, fake passports, fake US Visa Lotteries. The above and other related reasons are why the Nigerian passport is good for nothing. If Farouk was a proper Nigerian and he was so damn bent on doing something wrong and bad – for further National reputation wrecking, he could have picked any one of the above – such that immediately he would land at the nearest police station, he would be identified as a bonafide Nigerian. For him to go into terrorism, I still say duh!.

Even Niger-Deltans who are agitating for their rights in a wrong way (kidnap for ransom) do not have the guts to put themselves into a plane bound for a pipe-line anywhere in Nigeria. Just like Farouk’s Nairaland letterwriter: even Tompolo and his junior brothers have reprented.

SIX: who sent Farouk on his hell bound errand? Nobody. Not Nigeria, not his parents, not his friends, not his school mates, nobody. Farouk has not undergone the National Youth Service Corps (NYSC), and maybe thats where he missed it. See, if you want to do something for Nigeria and you want to be appreciated, its better to ask Nigerians what they really want, coz Nigerians hate surprises, good or bad. If only Farouk asked Nigeria and Nigerians what they wanted done most immediately, they could have given him a long list of requests. The following is a sample:

• identification of the present coordinates of our President Umaru Yar Adua.
• determination of the state of health of Nigeria’s President, Umaru Yar Adua,
• collation of information regarding Switzerland bank accounts and deposits of Nigerians such as:……….

Since Farouk was based in Yemen, crossing over to Saudi to conduct an investigation on Mr. President would be absolutely no problem. Providing the Nigerian masses a detailed report of where Mr. President was / if he was / really in Saudi, / is alive or dead, would have been seen as an act of love and honor on Farouk’s part. He could have gone round Saudi Arabia, taken pictures, checked out a few hospitals, talked to Medical doctors, and he would have become a reporter for Nigeria, the BBC and the CNN all by himself. Talk about being a hero overnight. Please note, up till now, we are still looking for Mr. President.

– – – – – – –

While Nigerians seem to be puzzled that terrorism could ever cross the mind of a Nigerian, I believe the act is an eye opener for all and sundry. Thank God he didn’t succeed. While the above points are one in many views of what makes a Nigerian a Nigerian, its nice to note that Nigerians are still peace loving people.

Tags: Umar+Farouk+Abdulmutallab