question: are you an Ajebota or an Ajepaki?

I caught this off someone’s FaceBook account:

My fellow Nigerians, rate yourselves with list below, I know say na Europe/Yankee we dey, but you know how dem say “you can take a homie out of the ghetto, but you can’t always take the ghetto out of the homie” let’s see.

If you step on a nail and bleed, you might be Bota, if you step on a nail and BEND IT, you’re paki!

If you see the words Madam, Sir or Esq after your folks name on an envelope, you might be an Ajebota. but if people refer to your folks as either Iya-beji, mama-bebi, mama-chukwudi, or Baa Lamidi, you are NOT ajebota!

If you have your home periodically fumigated with scentless pest repellants so it’s virtually roach and termite free, you might be an Ajebota, but if your aim with either your Cortina or Skoll can nail a flying roach to the wall, you’re an Ajepaki!

If your folks carry wallets and purses, you’re possibly an Ajebota, but if your mom reaches into her bra to get money in the glaring eyes of the public, your Paki is level 5!

If you have a borehole installed in your compound for year round water supply, you might be an Ajebota, but either you have a ‘kanga’ irrigation system or the middle of your head is hairless due to having logged on 65,000 miles from hauling
pails of water, you’re an Ajepaki!

If, after using the bathroom, you have an assorted barage of scented toilet tissues to choose from, you just might be an Ajebota, but if you use water to ‘tamba’ yaself, or you use the box of St Louis Sugar or the walls of your Salanga to clean your, my brother…. you’re an Ajepaki!

If you brush, rinse, gargle and floss, you just might be an  Ajebota, but if, after chewing your Pako, you can spit the pako-paste 40 yards, your pakiness is considered level 10!

If you had underwear that had the elastic bands at the waistline, you could be an ajebota, but if your underwear looked like the flag of Ghana and had a drawstring, (also known as pata Ewekoro) you’re DEFINITELY PAKI!

If you happened to have wandered into a neighborhood during Ileya and got amazed by the fact that people found ram-fights amusing, you might be an Ajebota, but if YOU took the ram to fight after feeding it ‘igbo’, you definitely Ajepaki!

If your home had sophisticated theft deterrent systems like barbed-wires, dogs, a camera and an alarm system, you might be an Ajebota, but if people are scared to scale your fence because of widely spread rumors of your folks having installed a
‘SHIGIDI’(whatever that is), you’re an Ajepaki!

If you went to a hair salon in naija to get your done, you just might be an Ajebota, but you and your ‘onidiri’ sit for six hours  on an Apoti under a tree while she did your hair, you’re PAKI!

and finally,if you and your mate know what this means, you just might be Bota, but if you try with your woman and she replies: ‘Baa Karimu, E se’n te’se, E ye f’ori Omu Si E’, (translated: Karimu’s dad, do what you wanna do, and stop
playing with my opps) . . . . you are a classic PAKI!

after reading the above, I think I’m Paki, how about you.

Funny story: how did Nigerians get English surnames

I heard the following on a radio programme sometime ago and laughed. Its how an Islamic cleric got his English surname ‘Jackson’, eventhough twasn’t his original surnname. The host wanted to know if the Islamic cleric is from Lagos state, or was it the popular ‘was your fore-father a slave / did your forefathers convert to Christianity and change their name’….., fairly tales or something entirely different. This is what the Alhaji said.

He was born sometime in the late 1940s, as Jamiu Adewale, with Adewale as his surname. He so much wanted to get an education, and so came over to Lagos to live with some relatives. He finished his primary school at an Islamic primary education school in Lagos state and decided to look for a job, etc. By the time Nigeria got its independence he was almost 20 years old and had completed educational requirements equivalent to ‘secondary school’ education. He nursed a desire to go to Britain, and work. Simply called ‘Britain’ then, it was ‘the place to go’. And if one just went to Britain for just one week, it was ‘a change of levels’ as far as social status and exposure was concerned. According to Jamiu, jobs in Britain were usually advertised at the British port in Lagos state, and anyone with enough basic education who was interested could just go there, fill a form and wait. Besides, preference was given to youths who ‘read more than primary-6’. By and by, he filled up an application form and waited.
 
According to Jamiu, ships that take workers to and fro came only in September of every year, so he had to wait until the next September to see if he would be going anywhere. A major requirement however was finance: each traveller had to have some money(the amount, usually published at the British port) to last them for an initial 2-weeks while they settled down in Britain. Mr. Jamiu says the journey itself was free.

Soon, he got information that he had been selected and should get himself ready for travel by the next September. When the d-day dawned, he gathered all his savings, proceeded to the port with all the documents he had. The port officer looked at his documents, counted all the money he had with him, gave it back and told him to keep it safe in his pockets. The port officer could not pronounce the Jamiu part of his long Yoruba name, besides he also had a middle name, besides his surrname – so he(port officer) just crossed as much as possible out and wrote ‘Jackson’ instead. Jamiu said he protested, but the officer just waved him off, told him to go board the ship, while he started attending to someone else. That’s how Jamiu was changed to Jackson.

On the ship, Jackson met other Nigerians, made friends and a couple of them who weren’t first time travellers helped the newbies to settle down in Britain. At his place of work in Britain, Jackson said he protested again that his name was wrongly written, and he wanted to be called Jamiu instead of Jackson, but he was referred to whatever ‘correction’ had been made in the  documents – as final.

Jackson said he met other ‘blacks’ who all bore English surnames like ‘Bingo, John, Robinson, Johnson, Jack, Peters, Peterson James, Jackson(the most popular), etc’, who were from Nigeria and different parts of Africa. Jackson said he could identify Nigerians only after listening to who spoke / couldn’t speak local Nigerian languages. These ‘blacks’, after exchanging notes discovered their names have been changed: wrongly written, mis-spelt, corrected, etc., by port officers wherever they were coming from – and turned into English names because Oyinbo man could not pronounce whatever local names they originally had. In fact, Jackson said “the oyinbo man would just look at all your names, and perhaps think of one English name similar to any of your Nigerian names – and immediately make corrections(with the new correction as your surname) without your approval”.

After a year and half of work, Jackson’s boss called him and a few other blacks and gave them a promotion, informing them that they were ‘intelligent’. They were told they must begin evening school – which is to be a condition for their continued employment. This was to be at the expense of the company(a television assembly company) they were working for in Britain. Jackson said the company was very strict, their bosses even checked their notebooks and asked information from school authorities to make sure everyone was studying, and not just playing-school.

Jackson remembers at least eight to ten other Jacksons in his own class, and there would always be an argument with teachers and students, as each person demand to be called his own name instead. They had to sort out the Jackson issue by numbering themselves Jackson-1, 2, 3…

Three years soon passed and he finished his University education(Engineering). All the while, Jackson said he hoped whenever he returned to Nigeria, he would throw away his Jackson name and assume his correct name. Unfortunately, when he graduated and was to return, all the documents he got from school, place of work, travel papers etc, all bore the name Adewale Jackson, where Jackson was the surname part. At the time he graduated, his company had opened an office in Nigeria, and so he was given a transfer. When he got to Nigeria, he said he applied for name change, etc., but that all the letters he wrote back to his school through the British port were never replied.

Nigerian authorities also refused to change his name. About three years later, he was to go to America for a Masters degree. He again traveled as Adewale Jackson. In America, he met and married an Oyinbo woman and had to give his children a surnname. As he could not give them a surnname different from the one on his travel papers, he had to leave the name-change issue alone. That’s how the Jackson name stuck. Alhaji Jackson lives in Nigeria with his family. His kids are all grown and have their own families.

 
The purpose of this post is to share stories about how Nigerians got their English names, so please, if you have one, let us hear it.

Little boy but fine dancer